It´s related to our auto concept, which is what we think of ourselves and how we process our failures and achievements. It helps us navigate through day to day life with a variable amount of flexibility and also, facilitates a positive view of the future. Self-esteem starts being shaped in childhood with the quantity and quality of words and affection received by parents, teachers and other significant people. But it is in adolescence, where it takes a crucial part in forging our identity. With the biological and psychological changes and the new social and achievement expectations, assessing who they are, it transforms into a very difficult task for teenagers. The quest for self-identity begins with a search outside, looking at friends, adults they admire, communications media, social media and any other places where they can receive an answer on what and who they need to become. At that point, comparisons are inevitable. Therefore, self-esteem turns into a variable between who they are and what they want to be and between how they see themselves and how people see them.

What role can social media have in this particular subject? Studies show that social media exposure and interaction affects self-evaluation and self-esteem, changing the way people present and see themselves. It seems that self-esteem has feedback through comparisons and social acknowledgment, with youngsters using their social media posts to build and shape their own identity. However, a study by the University of Toledo revealed that social media comparisons have a deleterious impact on self-evaluation and self-esteem. Another one, led by the University of Gothenburg, reports that people who spend significant time on social media feel less happy and content with their own lives. One of the participants exposed a significant issue: "Everyone of my friends seems to have wonderful news almost every moment of their day. (…) At some point, it becomes inevitable that you find yourself comparing your life to the perfect and marvelous life being posted by other people". It is precisely that comparison that leaves teenagers with low self-esteem and feeling less worthy and successful because they think their own lives can´t measure up to the lives of others. Donna Wick, the founder of Mind-to-Mind Parenting, says that the feeling of vulnerability, the need for validation, and a desire to compare themselves with peers can develop into an awful combination for teenagers. It forms what she describes as a “perfect storm of self-doubt”, meaning that it is assumed they can never accomplish and/or be what they see on their screens.    

Nevertheless, that is only one part of the equation. The other is self-presentation. Since every time youngsters scroll through social media they find nice moments, celebrations, achievements and beautiful people posing, they want to post a life that can match up to that. They heavily edit their own reality, creating a virtual world and virtual self accordingly to what they have been exposed to. This is consistent with a study made by the University of Masaryk, where they concluded that, to teenagers, it is important to post pictures in which they look pretty, are in lovely scenery, enjoying themselves and/or being with a lot of friends. The interactions to the posts become the measurement instrument that gives validation to themselves, being self-esteem and self-evaluation affected by the quality and quantity of those interactions. Consequently, the focal points of identity and self-esteem become what they see and how they are seen on social media, attaching to them what they want to be and who they are, respectively. That creates a gap between the real self and the virtual self which can be frustrating and depressing. As Dr. Wick says, practicing a perfect self online most of the day can make it difficult to accept the less than perfect real self.

What can be done about this matter? First of all, we have to take the role of social media on teenage life very seriously. Never minimize their experiences on that platform and we have to listen very carefully to their stories. Encourage them to explore social networks in a critical way, assessing, without judging, the edition and perfectness of its content. Help them establish a healthy response to failure and a high value of effort, agreeing to the outcome as it is and being proud of what was done. Inspire to accept imperfection as part of human life, not as something that has to be removed to be suitable to the world. Finally, if you see teenagers giving themselves reinforcement and commenting on their own posts, sharing every single detail of their lives online, being constantly present online by commenting or publishing, posting selfies all the time and/or accepting any friend request without question, it may be a time to tell them to take a social media day off.  Offer a safe space of communication and try to engage in a conversation. They may need one.

 References

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